The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
