Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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