Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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