Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
