I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
