Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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