How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
