They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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