um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
