captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
