My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
