Four minutes until I can fart!
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
