I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
