...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He felt like a one man threesome
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
