You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
