Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
where are you?
Hypothermia
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
