so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
