Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
