You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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