So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
