The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
