I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
