Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
