I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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