so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
