Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
