So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
