This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
