***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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