Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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