in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
