you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
