I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
