I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Still dying that you shit outside
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
