i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
