I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
