Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
