oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
