Betty ford says i'm here all night
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
