shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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