Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
