my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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