this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
