Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
