allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It's never too late to be topless.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
