we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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