I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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