Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
