i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
