Dual....:-)
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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