First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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