I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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