THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
