I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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