The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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